Resting

I've had to rest for almost the entire summer. It's been really hard. First I had to learn what it meant to rest. I thought it meant working only fifteen hours a week and only commiting ten or so hours a week to ministry. The Lord soon corrected me. He gave me a glimpse of rest over christmas, and I really freaked out. Then in the spring He began to prepare me to rest for the summer. He removed me, forcefully, from the "ministry" I was involved in and took my job from me. As much as I've tried I have not been able to get a job since then. Every time I applied somewhere I left with this overwhelming feeling of, "Well that was pointless, He's not gonna let me work anyway."

So I've been resting. I've almost lost my mind a few times in the process. I really had no idea how against the idea of resting my body and soul were. For a while I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and had no desire to be around my friends. My not sleeping wasn't just because i wasn't tired. My room would become too hot and stuffy even though the rest of the house felt nice. On the night that I nearly lost my sanity I became incredibly terrified of the dark too, or something else that was in the dark, I'm not sure. I became so scared that I had to leave my room and sit in the dining room for a while with the lights on. While in the dining room I became uncomfortably chilled, and my mind was so scared and going so fast I couldn't stop it. For a few minutes I thought I had lost control of my own mind. So after journalling for a while i went and laid under the covers in my bed. There I began to pray. The Lord responded to "Daddy, Abba..." Then peace came and i slept.

The whole summer though my spirit was being ministered to. A man told me once that the Lord wanted me to learn the song "In the Garden" because the Lord wanted to minister to me through the song. So in the midst of going crazy I learned the song and it ministered to me greatly. Even just through listening to the song the Spirit would bring me peace.

Even now I'm surprised how hard it is for me to rest and be silent with the Lord. I think it's just the culture, but man culture can fight.