Reading

I’ve recently ventured into a spiritual book. Previously I had resolved never again to burden my eyes with the religious ramblings of men I didn’t know and of whom I could not appraise their spirituality myself. Thankfully the Lord has overcome my own mental drivel and delivered me to the encouragement of His gospel. I just finished reading a book about the love of the Father for His children. Towards the end of its pages I read this one quote that almost spoke my name aloud.
“Are you as certain of the triumph of good over evil as the fermentation of doe by yeast? Though on a given day you may be more depressed than anything else, is the general orientation of your life toward peace and joy? Are you diminished by other people’s perception of you or your own definition of yourself? Do you possess that touch of folly to transcend doubt, fear, and self-hatred and accept that you are accepted?
If not, you probably belong to the brotherhood of the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out. You may feel like a charred log in a fireplace, totally drained of energy, and unable to light a fire in yourself. Your personal inner resources appear to be exhausted.
Louis Savary describes the brotherhood this way: ‘Their life is full of demands from others. They seem to be living at least three lives; everyone wants a piece of them; they can’t say no yet they have no time to do what they have already said yes to... They cannot seem to find the necessary clarity and information of which to base decisions... they make an investment in relations and get little gratitude, feedback, or even acknowledgment from others...”
The Lord as often exposed to me the reality of my self in such a state. Repeatedly He has brought me to that place. I used to crumble in devastation at my own failure. I have come to embrace though that it is not to be devastated that the Lord brings me to such a place, but only to set me free, to show me that my devastation and failure were part of the bargain all along, and need not be considered. He struck a deal with life on my behalf and delivered me into its ramifications. My Father loved me and paid my rent before I ever returned home, and when he did he shushed my spluttering, fearful explanations and embraced me into his freedom. Many, many times He has baptized me into His peace and freedom only to watch me return to the very land of bondage from which I had fled from, broken and destitute. I long now only to stay at home and enjoy His freedom.